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Tuesday
Aug102010

Hang in There

It is amazing the difference in a day. The energies have been so tumultuous the last few weeks but the last few days in particular. The astrological presence of the grand cross, the energy of the 8/8 and the change of location for me have been very intense. It feels like everything in my world has been turned upside down. I have felt exhaustion and I have been on vacation not doing much but swimming and going for coffee at Starbucks to connect to the internet. I have been on an emotional roller coaster and attempting to hang on even though I just wanted to jump off and I didn’t care what happened.

On my journey I have been getting some very strong messages from my guidance, my higher self that I didn’t always want to hear. It meant letting go of comfort in old patterns of behavior.

I connected with an old friend from school about a month ago. He reached out to me and it was fun and exciting to have someone out of your past actually make first connection. We are not sure what the nudge was all about but karmically we have seen some very interesting patterns and lifetimes emerge.

Part of my decision to come to California on my mainland trip was to connect with him although I love the desert and I had wanted to return for the past year. So I felt our connection gave me that extra reason and permission.

I arrived almost 2 weeks ago and his car broke down, so he has been unable to drive the 2-3 hours to come and see me. At first I just felt that it was meant to be and on his day off the following week his car would be repaired. Well it wasn’t and although my spirit knew that all was in divine timing, the part of me that is human felt abandoned, frustrated, like he really didn’t want to see me, and all my human fears came out about not getting what I wanted.

I had gone through many scenarios with him in my mind and the truth was I have no idea why we were connected. Yesterday I was flinging old energies around about another piece of abandonment with another ‘friend?’ who had said we would get together before I left and wouldn’t return my phone call. I had been warned about him and yet I didn’t want to loose his friendship. I guess that was another one of my lessons. Listen to your intuition, it is an important guide.

I felt I had been put through the wringer and called another friend who had wanted to get together before I left and we went out to dinner. When one door closes another opens. During dinner a text came from my friend and he said he had gotten an alternative vehicle and he could come down Wednesday. Could I change my departure date?

Well... a few days ago I had gotten the message that I probably would be changing my return flight to Portland. That was about the time the energy got intense. But nothing happened so I just decided that nothing was going to happen. Never underestimate the energies of the universe that you have put into motion.

When I received the text my first reaction was to be skeptical. (you see how we create then question our creation) We weren’t able to talk right away because I was in the middle of dinner with my friends but I was leaving the next morning at 8am for the airport. Sooo, I texted him as soon as I was able that we needed to talk and the creative energy was rolling. When I asked my guidance whether I was to change my ticket, I got a strong yes.

Right now I have a cancelled ticket, no return date, I have to wait till Monday to get a cheaper ticket and I will check in with my guidance this morning to determine when I fly out, but I am still not getting a why.

I think we are not always to know. I do know that both of us needed to go through some deep thought about what we want out of life and how much we are willing to change ourselves to make that happen. When I asked, my guidance said that his car broke down because they were protecting me (from myself and my own patterns or was it protecting me from something within him?). I am not sure and yes to all of that.

Talk about pressure pushing things out of your being, I have felt that pressure squeezing me until I cried uncle. I asked for changes and almost didn’t make it. I wonder if I could hold up under torture. I think one of the biggest tortures we have is sometimes letting go of old patterns. We guard our treasures and even though they are uncomfortable in our pockets, we hold on to those hard-earned pieces of dysfunction. Remember the monkey who finds food in the bottom of the jar, and when he grabs it, he can’t get his hand out of the neck? He would rather starve then let it go.

I know this is growth and today I finally feel at peace. I woke up at 4:44am and felt a strength I have not felt for a long time. Like I have created something good, and there is a feeling of clarity around me that I have yearned for. My guide that came was Yeshua. He is standing beside me on this journey. He is my friend.

The day is bright, a hummingbird danced on the air in front of me. The air is cool on the desert. I love my life and am glad I was able to hang in there. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I am done making up stories. I thank my higher self for the guidance and the changes within me.

I know when I return to Hawaii in a couple of weeks that I will not be the same person who left on this grand adventure. I know I will look back on this summer in fondness and the memory that I was able to hang in there.

After I finished writing this blog, I opened an email from Tom Kenyon and the Hathors. I have included a link because it talks about jumping time lines and choosing the way we live. I think it is timely and a lot of what has been happening to me. Enjoy http://tomkenyon.com/jumping-time-lines

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