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Saturday
Sep252010

Sabotage

Our bodies have an innate intelligence that is beyond our ability to comprehend. From one cell (the zygote) and one sperm an entire body is created with all its parts and ancestral nuances. How does it know to make and arm instead of a leg in a certain place? Our body is a beautiful vessel that has its own intelligence as we grow. Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes…

Our bodies want to do what we create. They can take a thought form and create health, illness, and even injury. Thoughts like “I have a test tomorrow and I’m not ready. Maybe I will be sick” can create an illness the next day. Or how about the self-fulfilling prophecy of “The flu is going around, everyone is getting sick, and I wonder how long it will be before I get sick” and then you are sick. The one I used to do and totally quit was “I never can wake up with the alarm clock and I will probably be late for school” and until I changed my mindset, I was always oversleeping.

That brings me to the ability to sabotage our selves with our beliefs.

Children are great at manifesting. If they are not getting enough love they may create an illness that gains the attention of their parents. I have seen it many times in my practice. I had a friend who was very busy with his work, spent time coaching little league, etc., but needed his son to be the star. When his son, on some level, felt his father slipping away from him, he manifested a serious heart condition (he had a broken heart) that drew his father back into the family. As his father began spending more time at home, his heart began getting better. My friend’s son was a perfect manifestor but in doing so he hurt himself.

I have had many clients who have held onto pain in their body because of gain. One woman had back pain and when she found out that it was related to fear and anger she was able to release it. Another client had broken her leg when she was 12. While in the hospital, her father told her he loved her, which was a rare occurrence. She held on to the pain for many years. Both scenarios had a positive outcome that the body was able to release the pain because they saw that they were loved and the pain was no longer needed.

I feel very much able to talk about sabotage. I have found healers that have been able to make my body pain free. The freedom from pain only held for a few weeks until I tripped and the pain came back. I have been in numerous car accidents in my life where other friends have been in none. Not all of the accidents were my fault, but my spirit knew, and after my last accident in 2005 where I totaled my car in Texas I have been accident free. I am sure that lesson is over.

Recently I have been working with a friend and looking at how I had sabotaged myself, and my body listened. I saw a pattern of pain and injuries that had been going on since a young girl. I saw how I tried to not be seen, out of fear of repercussions, and needed someone to notice. My body learned to be in pain so I would be noticed. Not a healthy pattern but I not only see it in myself but also many people who come to me for healing.

We sabotage ourselves in many ways. We become addicted to substances to calm down the pain inside. While working at a drug and alcohol program in the mid to late ‘90’s I observed so many people crying for help. They often didn’t show it on the outside as they were fighting their addictions. I had lived with a lot of addictions in my marriages and my family and was so glad I didn’t have those addictions in my psyche. Then I turned around and looked inside. I realized that I had an addiction to food to quell the inner child inside.

When I was 17, I was in a Miss Oregon World pageant. After the pageant was over, the organizers came up to me and told me that I had actually won but since this was the first year that they had allowed 17 year olds into the pageant, they would award it to an older girl who I didn’t feel had any chance of winning the national title. They had decided to wait a year and if I entered next year they were sure I would win again. Very devastating for a teenager who wants instant recognition and patience is not a virtue. When I returned home, my picture was in the paper and I received a phone call from someone who had read the paper. It was my first obscene phone call.

I decided then and there that being beautiful wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and then began the sabotage. I began to put on weight. I would show them that they couldn’t control my life. I was in charge of it and didn’t want to be hurt again. I continued to show my father who became very critical of my weight that I would eat anything I wanted. I perpetuated the pattern of ‘I’ll show you’ and felt more in control of my life but could feel I was only hurting myself. The child inside was hurting and not very rational. I continued to gain and lose weight with pregnancies and diets but continued the upward spiral of an addiction I couldn’t seem to conquer.

The reason I couldn’t keep the weight off is because my body still held the belief that I would be hurt if I looked pretty. I managed to keep many people away because of the belief that was embedded so very deep inside. As I am looking at the deeper pain in my healing, it didn’t just start when I was 17. It began at the 4 year old and the need to have pain in my body so my parents would see me while I could continue to hide from the person would had threatened me. I am now working on the depth of that pain and letting my body know I no longer have to sabotage myself.

I actually got up yesterday and did my pilates and began on a cleanse to assist my body to heal. After years of abuse I still need to give my body support and let it know that it no longer needs to be in pain, or eat my life away.

One of the important things to remember as you are sitting in whatever pain or illness you are in is ‘don’t shoot the messenger’. Your body has been doing just what you are telling it to do on a subconscious level. When you get angry or frustrated with your body, it is like kicking the car when it breaks down. Do for your body what you would do for your car. Instead of kicking yourself when you are down, love your body and thank it for being such a great creator. Then, get help and change the thought form that has created it.

People ask me how to change. The first step is to love your self. The second thing is to change your beliefs. Get help. It is so hard to see all of the nuances of the patterns by yourself. In my work, I have helped many people in person and over the phone to release those patterns. I am always available to people who are ready to transform their lives.

I am learning every day to love myself more and more. I am learning to love the 4 year old and the 17 year old and my present self. It is through looking into the depths of my own self that I can assist others to release their patterns. Thank you to all who have helped me, both seen and unseen. Thank you to my body for being so powerful.

The saboteur is not a bad or good part of you but a part that allows you to grow to be all that you can be. It is the part that can uncover how powerful you are or gives you excuses to remain stuck in the victim archetype. Are you ready to begin your journey of healing?

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Reader Comments (1)

After reading this I cried...Nancy was a good friend to me in High School. I miss her and cant wait to see her again...she was the prettiest girl in the whole school and from the looks of things she still is. You would be hard pressed to find someone as sincere.

October 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoyce

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