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Sunday
Jun192011

Transformation

Last fall, I was really looking at myself in the mirror, literally and figuratively. I was about to turn 60, was overweight and really starting to look like my mother as I remember her aging. I was not very happy with myself. The chatter in my head was not complimentary and I knew I needed to do something with my attitude and my image.

I acknowledged it was a time for change, both inner and outer. The outer had to change first. My hair had been long for 20 years. It is amazing how much old energy we hold in our hair. I always felt it was so much a part of me because everyone commented on my long blond hair. My hair stylist also did not want to cut my hair.

Soon after, I went to the movie, Hereafter, with Matt Damon, and Cecile De France who played the tsunami survivor. I loved her hair. I copied a picture of her and cut out my face and put it into her hair. I called my hairstylist and demanded that he cut my hair. We were both excited with the results. It was the beginning of a new me.

One of the things about transformation is that the inner needs to change as much as the outer. I knew it was unhealthy to have so much weight that I have been carrying around for too long. But, I had tried to balance my thyroid with no results and the weight just didn’t want to budge. I had seen the results of so many people who had lost a lot of weight with the HCG (pregnancy hormone) diet and I was very leery about taking a hormone that may cause side effects. The turning point was when I spoke to a friend and she told me how the pain left her body when she started on the diet. I began to consider it.

I ran into a physician friend of mine at a Braco event and she told me not only of her weight loss but also her husband’s. I was finally convinced that it was a rapid but also safe diet. A girlfriend, who is a nurse, spoke about a doctor that she worked for 40 years ago in South Africa using that diet. She said the only side effect she had observed was that the young girls got pregnant. I knew I was safe from that.

So, she and I started on the diet and have been a mutual support for each other ever since. I have lost a total of 37 pounds since February, and am currently on a maintenance cycle with the diet. I haven’t felt this good for 10 years. I really had to be ready for this diet. It is a strict diet of 500 calories a day, but it has not been hard. I see the pounds coming off and my body being resculpted. The difficulty is during maintenance, which offers a wider variety of food and not going back to old patterns of sweets and carbs.

During this time, I have not had a lot of energy, so I have had to decide what is important to me. I have tried to start projects and they have been stonewalled, so I gave it up knowing that there would be a better time. I have learned to surrender to timing and grace. If I didn’t have the energy, I honored that.

My clothes closet is shrinking just as I am beginning to shrink. I am almost missing out on wearing clothes I have not worn for 6 years. I was going out coqui frog hunting the other night and knew I couldn’t wear the jeans in my closet because they would have fallen off while hiking around the hills around my home. Luckily, I had a smaller pair of jeans that I couldn’t wear a month ago when I went to the mainland that fit great now. I am reminded of how we have clothes given to us when we have a newborn, and the larger clothes we put in a drawer and our child grows faster than we remember about the next larger size. For me it is the other way around.

I am starting a new cycle of work and transforming my space around me. I am working with a Kumu at Pu’u Honua O’ Honaunau (The place of refuge) next week for the 50th anniversary of the park where we will do healing for people who come to experience the true Hawaii.

I have a friend’s daughter who is coming to stay for 2 weeks at the end of the month. She is choosing to transform and will do therapy every day and travel to the beach and around the island. It should be fun to watch her blossom. I look forward to sharing my gifts of healing with her and letting her experience the healing of the dolphins and the aina (the land).

I am open to the transformation of life. I am willing to do my part in that transformation. Part of that transformation is willing to let go. A butterfly does not try to change into a butterfly but allows nature to create the beauty of wings. I will continue my diet because I love my body for all it has given me. And, I will let go of outcome so that I can fly.

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