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Welcome to the Dolphin Healing Touch Journal.

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For a complete listing of journal entries, please see the Journal Archive in the right column.

Monday
Nov222010

GIVING THANKS

Someone made the statement the other day that they liked Thanksgiving because it is the only day of the year when most American’s have gratitude in mind. I like to give thanks every day.

I wake up in the morning and step out on my lanai and see the beauty all around me. As I watch the sun go down, I again give thanks for such beauty. The more we connect to that essence of all that is, the easier it is to give thanks for everything around us.

This morning, as I sat eating my favorite breakfast of mango, a gecko friend came up to say good morning. A couple of days ago, I was drinking the juice from my bowl and he jumped up on my bowl while I had it to my mouth. I just have to laugh at the antics of this special friend. It opens my heart when I see him because of the joy he brings while saying good morning.

How many times do you look around in joy for what you have? Do you look at what you have and try to see what more you would like, or do you just sit in gratitude for what you have? The satisfaction of a full life is so important.

As the holidays are coming and the sales are being broadcast, I think of what I would like to have. I look around and see that I have enough. It brings an overflow of love and gratitude for the universe that has provided this cornucopia of plenty in my life. As I get older and learn to love myself more, I find I appreciate other people and things in my life more and more.

I give thanks for all things that touch my life from the little friends at my table, my family and friends, the abundance of each and every day, and the world around me. I give thanks to the divine that I see in each and every one of you, looking at the divine in me.

May your days be blessed, joyful, and full of fun. And may your heart be open to all the world around you.

Saturday
Sep252010

Sabotage

Our bodies have an innate intelligence that is beyond our ability to comprehend. From one cell (the zygote) and one sperm an entire body is created with all its parts and ancestral nuances. How does it know to make and arm instead of a leg in a certain place? Our body is a beautiful vessel that has its own intelligence as we grow. Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes…

Our bodies want to do what we create. They can take a thought form and create health, illness, and even injury. Thoughts like “I have a test tomorrow and I’m not ready. Maybe I will be sick” can create an illness the next day. Or how about the self-fulfilling prophecy of “The flu is going around, everyone is getting sick, and I wonder how long it will be before I get sick” and then you are sick. The one I used to do and totally quit was “I never can wake up with the alarm clock and I will probably be late for school” and until I changed my mindset, I was always oversleeping.

That brings me to the ability to sabotage our selves with our beliefs.

Children are great at manifesting. If they are not getting enough love they may create an illness that gains the attention of their parents. I have seen it many times in my practice. I had a friend who was very busy with his work, spent time coaching little league, etc., but needed his son to be the star. When his son, on some level, felt his father slipping away from him, he manifested a serious heart condition (he had a broken heart) that drew his father back into the family. As his father began spending more time at home, his heart began getting better. My friend’s son was a perfect manifestor but in doing so he hurt himself.

I have had many clients who have held onto pain in their body because of gain. One woman had back pain and when she found out that it was related to fear and anger she was able to release it. Another client had broken her leg when she was 12. While in the hospital, her father told her he loved her, which was a rare occurrence. She held on to the pain for many years. Both scenarios had a positive outcome that the body was able to release the pain because they saw that they were loved and the pain was no longer needed.

I feel very much able to talk about sabotage. I have found healers that have been able to make my body pain free. The freedom from pain only held for a few weeks until I tripped and the pain came back. I have been in numerous car accidents in my life where other friends have been in none. Not all of the accidents were my fault, but my spirit knew, and after my last accident in 2005 where I totaled my car in Texas I have been accident free. I am sure that lesson is over.

Recently I have been working with a friend and looking at how I had sabotaged myself, and my body listened. I saw a pattern of pain and injuries that had been going on since a young girl. I saw how I tried to not be seen, out of fear of repercussions, and needed someone to notice. My body learned to be in pain so I would be noticed. Not a healthy pattern but I not only see it in myself but also many people who come to me for healing.

We sabotage ourselves in many ways. We become addicted to substances to calm down the pain inside. While working at a drug and alcohol program in the mid to late ‘90’s I observed so many people crying for help. They often didn’t show it on the outside as they were fighting their addictions. I had lived with a lot of addictions in my marriages and my family and was so glad I didn’t have those addictions in my psyche. Then I turned around and looked inside. I realized that I had an addiction to food to quell the inner child inside.

When I was 17, I was in a Miss Oregon World pageant. After the pageant was over, the organizers came up to me and told me that I had actually won but since this was the first year that they had allowed 17 year olds into the pageant, they would award it to an older girl who I didn’t feel had any chance of winning the national title. They had decided to wait a year and if I entered next year they were sure I would win again. Very devastating for a teenager who wants instant recognition and patience is not a virtue. When I returned home, my picture was in the paper and I received a phone call from someone who had read the paper. It was my first obscene phone call.

I decided then and there that being beautiful wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and then began the sabotage. I began to put on weight. I would show them that they couldn’t control my life. I was in charge of it and didn’t want to be hurt again. I continued to show my father who became very critical of my weight that I would eat anything I wanted. I perpetuated the pattern of ‘I’ll show you’ and felt more in control of my life but could feel I was only hurting myself. The child inside was hurting and not very rational. I continued to gain and lose weight with pregnancies and diets but continued the upward spiral of an addiction I couldn’t seem to conquer.

The reason I couldn’t keep the weight off is because my body still held the belief that I would be hurt if I looked pretty. I managed to keep many people away because of the belief that was embedded so very deep inside. As I am looking at the deeper pain in my healing, it didn’t just start when I was 17. It began at the 4 year old and the need to have pain in my body so my parents would see me while I could continue to hide from the person would had threatened me. I am now working on the depth of that pain and letting my body know I no longer have to sabotage myself.

I actually got up yesterday and did my pilates and began on a cleanse to assist my body to heal. After years of abuse I still need to give my body support and let it know that it no longer needs to be in pain, or eat my life away.

One of the important things to remember as you are sitting in whatever pain or illness you are in is ‘don’t shoot the messenger’. Your body has been doing just what you are telling it to do on a subconscious level. When you get angry or frustrated with your body, it is like kicking the car when it breaks down. Do for your body what you would do for your car. Instead of kicking yourself when you are down, love your body and thank it for being such a great creator. Then, get help and change the thought form that has created it.

People ask me how to change. The first step is to love your self. The second thing is to change your beliefs. Get help. It is so hard to see all of the nuances of the patterns by yourself. In my work, I have helped many people in person and over the phone to release those patterns. I am always available to people who are ready to transform their lives.

I am learning every day to love myself more and more. I am learning to love the 4 year old and the 17 year old and my present self. It is through looking into the depths of my own self that I can assist others to release their patterns. Thank you to all who have helped me, both seen and unseen. Thank you to my body for being so powerful.

The saboteur is not a bad or good part of you but a part that allows you to grow to be all that you can be. It is the part that can uncover how powerful you are or gives you excuses to remain stuck in the victim archetype. Are you ready to begin your journey of healing?

Saturday
Aug142010

The Teacher

When you ask for guidance a teacher will come. Often the teacher doesn’t look like a teacher or guru but like a friend, a partner, or someone who you get very angry at. When the teacher comes, we often want to shoot the messenger.

Today I was lucky. My teacher came because of a request. I know in my work of alternative medicine, because of my being an empath, I tend to take on other people’s pain. I am much better than I was in the past but I know my body still holds a lot of stuck energy in the form of pain.

As I lay on the table getting a massage this morning, I asked my guides to teach me how to not pull other’s pain into my body. I looked at how I took on my mother’s pain when I was a little girl, thinking it would help her and maybe make her see me more clearly. It didn’t help and now I have a lot of pain in my body. Our brain is such a good learner of repetition that it holds onto the pain loop. Looking back, my mother was one of my teachers about pain and how we think we can make a difference by being just like them. Well I am a good example of how we can’t fix someone else or make him or her love us more by emulating them.

I was talking this morning to my girlfriend Linda who is a very good channel, and she tells me that I need to start working with color energies, and not to run them through me but to run them outside of my energy field and into my patients. I had told her nothing about my request but my guides wanted me to know that they were listening. I was given my first lesson of the day from my guides.

Right now so many people are getting some really intense lessons about walking on this earth in a more fruitful, giving, and loving way. They are getting lessons on how to love themselves more, listening to that higher-self voice inside, and not taking someone else’s word as gospel if it doesn’t feel good. This also includes the way our government is run and the way we treat the earth. We may need many teachers to teach us to trust our inner guidance if we are not good listeners. We may get in a series of relationships that do not feel good. And until we learn our lesson of loving ourselves and listening to that voice inside, then we will continue in that loop of dysfunctional relationships. We always have a choice.

I watched the new movie, “EAT, PRAY, LOVE” and it was a profound novel about finding that place inside. She looks for teachers outside of herself, listens to them when she finds them, but when the time comes, she must feel what the truth is inside. Even the book and the movie is a grand teacher to mass audiences.

When you want an answer, first ask inside of your heart. Don’t look inside your mind if you want to heal the heart. Growth doesn’t always come easy. My son reminded me that he grew about a foot in his final year in high school and how painful it was. He always wanted to be tall, and he got his request but to grow there is always a stretching of our limits.

When you get an answer, don’t question by running the answer through your mind. Look through the heart. Then you know the answer from that deep core place inside yourself.

If someone tells you they can fix you, run for the hills. When people give you a guarantee, they are working though the ego and not through the infinite source energy deep inside that connects us to each other. A good guide does not give you the answers but teaches you how to find the answers deep inside our knowing.

So the next time you get a teacher that makes you angry or sad, don’t shoot the messenger. If you go inside and feel the pain, give them thanks for the lessons they show you. If you get a teacher that gives you feeling such an amazing feeling inside and you decide you want more, don’t be afraid of the feeling of joy and divine love. That truly is who you are. Remember, your teacher is always within your reach and sometimes we only have to reach inside ourselves.

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