I can’t say that I know what it is about yet but I was informed by my landlord the first week of December that I had to move out. He is planning some renovations to the home I am living in and his family was coming for a visit and so he needed the space for them. Within a week, I heard a voice to call my landlords from my first home on the island, who are now good friends. They had a beautiful home that was available to rent, and is within walking distance to Kealakekua Bay.

I have had a storage locker full of furniture and personal items in Dallas, Texas since April of 2005 when I moved back to the island. I have been calling my things to me for the last year but not knowing where to put them because I was living in a furnished home. It is now on it’s way. I had to have an empty home to place my things in.

I also applied for a job that would have given me a steady income. I was swimming and meditating when I heard “what do you choose with your work?” I said that I wanted to have the freedom of the flow of a day, the ability to swim when I wished and to make a steady income doing the things I love. And I heard, “then choose what you wish”. I had a great interview but didn’t get the job.

Instead I have some wonderful guests coming to stay at my new home. I have also been told to do the seminars that I love. My first seminar will be on Manifesting Your Dreams in 2012 and will take place in April. The other seminars will be in the fall, taking place in September, October, November, and December, helping to bring in the new energies.

To punctuate the new energies coming in for me, I won the door prize two weeks in a row at our weekly Rotary meeting. I have just had this wonderful flow in my life since the opening of the doorway to my life path.

I read a newsletter from Mellen Thomas Benedict and he spoke of the opening of the doorway to his life purpose this year. He was told in 1982 that he would expect this transition in 25-30 years but he needed to work on some things first. To read more on his wonderful journey go to http://www.mellen-thomas.com

2012 is not about ascending up into a new dimension, or the destruction of the world, but a doorway opening to a new flow that is easier if we are willing to get out of our own way. We have to let give up the old paradigm of how things work and be willing to choose in such a more inventive way. Why limit ourselves to the surprise of door 1, 2, or 3, when we can have an informed decision of what we want and we can have it all.

Solstice has just passed and the time of light is lengthening not only physically but also metaphorically. Allow the abundance in our life to flow. Do it with an open heart, stepping out of fear. For many of us, it is not just about what we do in life but bringing in the open-heart space for all. Let go of the judgment of others and see them opening to their full potential. Manifest your dreams and see others manifesting theirs.

May the light grow in your heart in the same way that the sun’s light is growing each day. Blessings to you and yours’ this holiday season. May all your dreams come true in 2012.

She lived in Eugene, Oregon and I lived in Portland about 110 miles away. While she was undergoing surgery and radiation treatment for the cancer, I would drive down every couple of weeks to do Lymphatic Drainage or Cranio-Sacral Therapy on her to assist in her healing process. Doing the lymphatic work while she underwent the radiation was very important.

First, I had to redirect the lymph flow from the surgery scar from her lumpectomy. When they cut through the lymphatic tissue, it is like blocking a river and when the lymph nodes are removed the river needs to be rerouted. The body is very smart and all it often needs is a little nudge to get it working again. When the radiation began, it was so important to take the swelling of the burned tissue out to assist it again. She has been cancer free for 10 years and now has a beautiful 2-year-old son.

The physical work is so important to the body’s health and well being. What about the emotional body? Let’s not forget about all of the family and friends that share the fears and energy of the person who is diagnosed with cancer. Having cancer is a team effort.

Offering healing to the whole person and family is so important in the journey. Emotional support, nutrition, stress relief, and just plain nurturing need to be part of the healing. The process can rarely be done alone. I heard a story about a woman who had cancer. She saw an intuitive healer who told her that she needed to accept help. She had always been very selfless. She began accepting others help in her journey of cancer and the tumor shrank to the size of a pea. When she began to feel better she stopped accepting help and within a month, the tumor had re-grown and she died.

What are the life lessons we need to learn? It may be that we need to accept help and that we deserve to be loved. It may be that we must let go of the victim mentality. You ask about the person who is so full of love and they get cancer. Perhaps it is a gift from their higher self to their family or friends to help them heal something in their lifetime. Whatever the lesson, it needs to be looked at with love rather than fear and anger. Remember the phrase, ‘when someone gives you a lemon, make lemonade’.

Life is a path of learning and we choose which fork we walk. Each fork walked is a decision that will teach us a new lesson in life. We can choose to walk the path with love in our hearts or blame the world for the lemons it gives us. Forgive me if I stumble on my path. May I have the strength to get up, dust off, and continue on my journey.

Sometimes we need to honor ourselves by setting very clear boundaries with others. Since going through this experience, I have had many people call me with their concerns about boundaries within their own lives. I had a friend who gave so much of himself, that he was exhausted. I had another friend who ha been living with someone for over a year and still has not unpacked many of her items because she has not felt as if she has had permission to unpack, and is wondering whether to stay in the relationship.

It is sometimes difficult to put boundaries between ourselves and others or situations. If we do not set those boundaries, then the energy between yourself and others is unclear. It doesn’t give you or the other person permission to be themselves. When the energy is unclear, there is often a resentment, judgment, or fatigue due to energy leaks.

I have had many people tell me that they love themselves and the way that they do it is to put everyone else first. We can’t give to someone else fully and completely if we are too tired and have not taken care of ourselves. If we are holding resentment or judgment in our heart it is not due to the other person but it is what we hold deep inside from past hurts or decisions that needs to be healed. If we have proper boundaries and the other person is hurting us, we walk away. When we don’t care enough about ourselves, we often take it personally, and either feel we are the victim or feel guilty about standing up for our rights.

Many people who took on the caretaking role as children to get along in the family have a very hard time taking care of themselves. They feel that giving in to others, and making sure that their wishes are cared for before self that this is the highest form of love. But what it really is, is that the boundary of the self love is not strong enough to know that the other person has their own learning path too. If you do it all for them, then you are doing them a disservice by not allowing them to learn their path. If you don’t respect yourself, then how can the other person respect you?

It is important when setting boundaries that we understand how the other person thinks. As a woman, I often think with my emotions, how I feel about a situation. Many men think more concretely and don’t understand the emotional concept of the boundary. Communication is so important in any relationship, whether it is with our family, our significant other, friends, or even business relationships. It is dangerous to assume that the other person understands you when they don’t respond in the way that we expect them to.

In Hawaii there is a concept called ho’o ponopono. It means to make things right. It is a form of mediation where things are talked about until they are cleared up often with the help of someone skilled in ho’o ponopono. Families practiced the concept before they could eat together. Everything that needed to be talked about was settled before they could break bread. They knew that the stress of anger or upset did not allow us to digest our food well.

Even in skilled communication classes you learn to repeat back what the other person is saying and get clarification. Don’t expect the other person to understand what you’re saying when they have walked a different road than you have. The book “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” is a good example of the difference in communication skills between men and women.

Often we do not set boundaries because we have already projected an outcome of how the other person will react if we own our own space. That is why it is so important to stay in present time. Our mind will try to play tricks on us to keep us in an uncomfortable comfort of an old way of doing things. It will try to keep us safe.

I would rather step out of my comfort zone from now on to be able to speak my truth by loving myself, honoring my space, and by doing so honoring the other person.

I acknowledged it was a time for change, both inner and outer. The outer had to change first. My hair had been long for 20 years. It is amazing how much old energy we hold in our hair. I always felt it was so much a part of me because everyone commented on my long blond hair. My hair stylist also did not want to cut my hair.

Soon after, I went to the movie, Hereafter, with Matt Damon, and Cecile De France who played the tsunami survivor. I loved her hair. I copied a picture of her and cut out my face and put it into her hair. I called my hairstylist and demanded that he cut my hair. We were both excited with the results. It was the beginning of a new me.

One of the things about transformation is that the inner needs to change as much as the outer. I knew it was unhealthy to have so much weight that I have been carrying around for too long. But, I had tried to balance my thyroid with no results and the weight just didn’t want to budge. I had seen the results of so many people who had lost a lot of weight with the HCG (pregnancy hormone) diet and I was very leery about taking a hormone that may cause side effects. The turning point was when I spoke to a friend and she told me how the pain left her body when she started on the diet. I began to consider it.

I ran into a physician friend of mine at a Braco event and she told me not only of her weight loss but also her husband’s. I was finally convinced that it was a rapid but also safe diet. A girlfriend, who is a nurse, spoke about a doctor that she worked for 40 years ago in South Africa using that diet. She said the only side effect she had observed was that the young girls got pregnant. I knew I was safe from that.

So, she and I started on the diet and have been a mutual support for each other ever since. I have lost a total of 37 pounds since February, and am currently on a maintenance cycle with the diet. I haven’t felt this good for 10 years. I really had to be ready for this diet. It is a strict diet of 500 calories a day, but it has not been hard. I see the pounds coming off and my body being resculpted. The difficulty is during maintenance, which offers a wider variety of food and not going back to old patterns of sweets and carbs.

During this time, I have not had a lot of energy, so I have had to decide what is important to me. I have tried to start projects and they have been stonewalled, so I gave it up knowing that there would be a better time. I have learned to surrender to timing and grace. If I didn’t have the energy, I honored that.

My clothes closet is shrinking just as I am beginning to shrink. I am almost missing out on wearing clothes I have not worn for 6 years. I was going out coqui frog hunting the other night and knew I couldn’t wear the jeans in my closet because they would have fallen off while hiking around the hills around my home. Luckily, I had a smaller pair of jeans that I couldn’t wear a month ago when I went to the mainland that fit great now. I am reminded of how we have clothes given to us when we have a newborn, and the larger clothes we put in a drawer and our child grows faster than we remember about the next larger size. For me it is the other way around.

I am starting a new cycle of work and transforming my space around me. I am working with a Kumu at Pu’u Honua O’ Honaunau (The place of refuge) next week for the 50th anniversary of the park where we will do healing for people who come to experience the true Hawaii.

I have a friend’s daughter who is coming to stay for 2 weeks at the end of the month. She is choosing to transform and will do therapy every day and travel to the beach and around the island. It should be fun to watch her blossom. I look forward to sharing my gifts of healing with her and letting her experience the healing of the dolphins and the aina (the land).

I am open to the transformation of life. I am willing to do my part in that transformation. Part of that transformation is willing to let go. A butterfly does not try to change into a butterfly but allows nature to create the beauty of wings. I will continue my diet because I love my body for all it has given me. And, I will let go of outcome so that I can fly.

As you know, recently there have been earthquakes, tsunamis, and many earth changes. It has caused a modicum of fear to be present in many people. I saw an article where people in China bought up all of the iodized salt to protect them from the nuclear fallout. My first thought was that people would possibly die from overdosing on sodium. That concerned me.

I have been selling iodine for many years. It is a mineral that is often lacking in most people’s diet which is why they began putting iodine in salt many years ago. Here in Hawaii, many people are concerned also about the fallout and I have offered the iodine support to those around me. When people asked me whether this would protect them totally from the radiation, I explain that this will support the thyroid. It is important to start by titrating up as any sensible practice in starting a new substance in your body.

I heard from a friend yesterday that someone had died from overdosing on iodine on the mainland. So often we think that is a little goes a long way a lot will get us there faster. We need to understand that our bodies are delicate balances of minerals that are transporters and ones that help the body to function at its prime. If we give too much of a substance and there is not enough balance by another substance we either excreted or we store it. When we store it there is danger of being out of balance.

Many things put us out of our balance in our environment. We become toxic from radiation, heavy metals, pesticides, herbicides, and many other things. Here in Hawaii we have what is called vog (volcanic smog). It is made up of the poisonous gases that are expelled from the volcano. This vog contains sulfuric acid, Mercury, and other substances that are not very good for our health. People need to realize that if you walk down a busy street, you are inhaling not only what the movement of the tires and cars on the surface of the road sends up into the air, but also the exhaust from the cars. There are many poisonous substances in our environment that we are exposed to every day. Do we fear what is in our environment or do we protect ourselves by being educated?

It is important to be smart about protecting our bodies. To go along with that it is important to be smart about protecting our spirits and our emotional bodies.

Number one: stay out of fear.

Number two: be educated on what you are trying to do for yourself.

Number three: trust your sources, including what the news is putting out, the credentials of the person who is speaking about something, and using your own intuition rather than fear.

When we are in fear that is when accidents happen. It sets up a dissonant field that clouds our brain. Fear causes a stress reaction that is extremely unhealthy and our bodies. Often we are in fight or flight syndrome and may cause us to run around in circles rather than going straight for what we know we choose.

When we are in trust, we take the time to read between the lines, we take the time to read the literature accurately, and we know which sources to trust. If something doesn’t feel right, or we have a question, we go to the right source to find the answers. When we trust we are breathing, when we are in fear we hold our breath. Notice how it feels in your body when you hold your breath. When we hold our breath we don’t accomplish anything because we are running around in circles.

I think I’ve been holding my breath lately. I am trying (trying is not a good word because it always leaves that open end that allows a but…) to build a newsletter for my website. To me computer jargon tends to be a bit overwhelming. Energetically, when I get overwhelmed, I tend to block things even on the computer. This morning I sat down and took some breaths and meditated. I have a short time before I leave for the mainland to complete the information for a seminar that I would like to put out in June. Of course, tax time is coming up and that needs to be completed too. By taking these breaths I am able to focus and began putting down words for my post.

I realize that computers are great for multitaskers, but for me they create distractions with downloads, e-mail, all of the things on the web, and I can’t seem to get much done. I need to find a way to get organized on my computer. That would take someone to teach me. The trick is finding someone with knowledge and patience. Patience being the big P. In that statement, I realize I need to have patience with myself.

I’m asking all of you, if you like my writing to sign up at my websites for the newsletter. You can go to http://www.alakeahealingretreat.com or http://www.dolphinhealingtouch.com

I know it’s a lot to ask you to allow one more piece of e-mail to come across your mail program but I feel this is important to help people with this transition time. They say get ready for 2012 but the changes are coming quick and fast now. We need to change our thinking and stay in the now. We need to realize how important community is. Those in the Middle East got community together and have toppled governments. Those here in Hawaii cleaned up an entire bay by banding the community together. The community pulled out a two-story house piece by piece. What can you do to make a difference? Look deep inside, stay out of fear, and trust your intuition. Then take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other to accomplish what you wish to accomplish. You are the creator of your fate. Which path would you choose to walk?

How many of you have bought all the gifts, and said to others, “don’t worry you don’t need to get me anything”? Inside, you wish that others would get you something in return. And then, your feelings are hurt, when they don’t get you anything. Being a martyr just doesn’t fit any longer.

The old paradigm of gift giving seems a little out of date. We live in a very material world. Children who tear through a pile of packages only learn to expect more. When the last gift has been looked at for a moment, they look around and ask, “Is that all?” They don’t learn from that type of giving what it’s like to give through the heart. What are we teaching our children?

As we grow older we learn what’s important in life. To me, I have learned that friends, family no matter whether they are blood relatives or not, and learning to give as well as receive from a sense of heartfelt gratitude is what’s important.

When you give from a sense of servitude or necessity and leave out the heart the energetics of that gift is not felt deeply. One of my pet peeves around gifts was when the giver would ask what I wanted. To me, that never seemed like a gift from the heart, only the pocketbook. I learned to give myself those gifts that I really wanted. When someone would think about what I wanted, and I could really feel it when I received it, those were the gifts I treasured the most.

This year I gave myself a beautiful wooden flute. I was able to support someone whose work I admired. I am giving a gift of a gifted artist, whose work is not always recognized. When I asked him to make this gift, his eyes lit up and I truly knew I made a difference. This way I gave two gifts, one to the artist and one that I hope will be cherished by the person who receives it. (If I tell who it’s for the surprise will be lost.)

My favorite way of giving is to find things throughout the year that I know someone would like and send it when I’m thinking of them. I also have learned to enjoy receiving. Often, it is only those words that someone says that mean so much or the acts of kindness from people each and every day.

Live in gratitude each and every day, love those who are around you, don’t be stingy with your compliments, and most of all learn to receive. Begin to look at people in your life as gifts, No matter whether they are gift-wrapped or hard to take they offer you something in their knowing you. Find the good in everyone, even your worst enemy, and it will bring you and them more joy. Call someone you haven’t spoken to for a long time.

May your holidays be filled with joy, love, and laughter. Take some time out for yourself and if no one remembers you, remember yourself.

I wake up in the morning and step out on my lanai and see the beauty all around me. As I watch the sun go down, I again give thanks for such beauty. The more we connect to that essence of all that is, the easier it is to give thanks for everything around us.

This morning, as I sat eating my favorite breakfast of mango, a gecko friend came up to say good morning. A couple of days ago, I was drinking the juice from my bowl and he jumped up on my bowl while I had it to my mouth. I just have to laugh at the antics of this special friend. It opens my heart when I see him because of the joy he brings while saying good morning.

How many times do you look around in joy for what you have? Do you look at what you have and try to see what more you would like, or do you just sit in gratitude for what you have? The satisfaction of a full life is so important.

As the holidays are coming and the sales are being broadcast, I think of what I would like to have. I look around and see that I have enough. It brings an overflow of love and gratitude for the universe that has provided this cornucopia of plenty in my life. As I get older and learn to love myself more, I find I appreciate other people and things in my life more and more.

I give thanks for all things that touch my life from the little friends at my table, my family and friends, the abundance of each and every day, and the world around me. I give thanks to the divine that I see in each and every one of you, looking at the divine in me.

May your days be blessed, joyful, and full of fun. And may your heart be open to all the world around you.

Our bodies want to do what we create. They can take a thought form and create health, illness, and even injury. Thoughts like “I have a test tomorrow and I’m not ready. Maybe I will be sick” can create an illness the next day. Or how about the self-fulfilling prophecy of “The flu is going around, everyone is getting sick, and I wonder how long it will be before I get sick” and then you are sick. The one I used to do and totally quit was “I never can wake up with the alarm clock and I will probably be late for school” and until I changed my mindset, I was always oversleeping.

That brings me to the ability to sabotage our selves with our beliefs.

Children are great at manifesting. If they are not getting enough love they may create an illness that gains the attention of their parents. I have seen it many times in my practice. I had a friend who was very busy with his work, spent time coaching little league, etc., but needed his son to be the star. When his son, on some level, felt his father slipping away from him, he manifested a serious heart condition (he had a broken heart) that drew his father back into the family. As his father began spending more time at home, his heart began getting better. My friend’s son was a perfect manifestor but in doing so he hurt himself.

I have had many clients who have held onto pain in their body because of gain. One woman had back pain and when she found out that it was related to fear and anger she was able to release it. Another client had broken her leg when she was 12. While in the hospital, her father told her he loved her, which was a rare occurrence. She held on to the pain for many years. Both scenarios had a positive outcome that the body was able to release the pain because they saw that they were loved and the pain was no longer needed.

I feel very much able to talk about sabotage. I have found healers that have been able to make my body pain free. The freedom from pain only held for a few weeks until I tripped and the pain came back. I have been in numerous car accidents in my life where other friends have been in none. Not all of the accidents were my fault, but my spirit knew, and after my last accident in 2005 where I totaled my car in Texas I have been accident free. I am sure that lesson is over.

Recently I have been working with a friend and looking at how I had sabotaged myself, and my body listened. I saw a pattern of pain and injuries that had been going on since a young girl. I saw how I tried to not be seen, out of fear of repercussions, and needed someone to notice. My body learned to be in pain so I would be noticed. Not a healthy pattern but I not only see it in myself but also many people who come to me for healing.

We sabotage ourselves in many ways. We become addicted to substances to calm down the pain inside. While working at a drug and alcohol program in the mid to late ‘90’s I observed so many people crying for help. They often didn’t show it on the outside as they were fighting their addictions. I had lived with a lot of addictions in my marriages and my family and was so glad I didn’t have those addictions in my psyche. Then I turned around and looked inside. I realized that I had an addiction to food to quell the inner child inside.

When I was 17, I was in a Miss Oregon World pageant. After the pageant was over, the organizers came up to me and told me that I had actually won but since this was the first year that they had allowed 17 year olds into the pageant, they would award it to an older girl who I didn’t feel had any chance of winning the national title. They had decided to wait a year and if I entered next year they were sure I would win again. Very devastating for a teenager who wants instant recognition and patience is not a virtue. When I returned home, my picture was in the paper and I received a phone call from someone who had read the paper. It was my first obscene phone call.

I decided then and there that being beautiful wasn’t all it was cracked up to be and then began the sabotage. I began to put on weight. I would show them that they couldn’t control my life. I was in charge of it and didn’t want to be hurt again. I continued to show my father who became very critical of my weight that I would eat anything I wanted. I perpetuated the pattern of ‘I’ll show you’ and felt more in control of my life but could feel I was only hurting myself. The child inside was hurting and not very rational. I continued to gain and lose weight with pregnancies and diets but continued the upward spiral of an addiction I couldn’t seem to conquer.

The reason I couldn’t keep the weight off is because my body still held the belief that I would be hurt if I looked pretty. I managed to keep many people away because of the belief that was embedded so very deep inside. As I am looking at the deeper pain in my healing, it didn’t just start when I was 17. It began at the 4 year old and the need to have pain in my body so my parents would see me while I could continue to hide from the person would had threatened me. I am now working on the depth of that pain and letting my body know I no longer have to sabotage myself.

I actually got up yesterday and did my pilates and began on a cleanse to assist my body to heal. After years of abuse I still need to give my body support and let it know that it no longer needs to be in pain, or eat my life away.

One of the important things to remember as you are sitting in whatever pain or illness you are in is ‘don’t shoot the messenger’. Your body has been doing just what you are telling it to do on a subconscious level. When you get angry or frustrated with your body, it is like kicking the car when it breaks down. Do for your body what you would do for your car. Instead of kicking yourself when you are down, love your body and thank it for being such a great creator. Then, get help and change the thought form that has created it.

People ask me how to change. The first step is to love your self. The second thing is to change your beliefs. Get help. It is so hard to see all of the nuances of the patterns by yourself. In my work, I have helped many people in person and over the phone to release those patterns. I am always available to people who are ready to transform their lives.

I am learning every day to love myself more and more. I am learning to love the 4 year old and the 17 year old and my present self. It is through looking into the depths of my own self that I can assist others to release their patterns. Thank you to all who have helped me, both seen and unseen. Thank you to my body for being so powerful.

The saboteur is not a bad or good part of you but a part that allows you to grow to be all that you can be. It is the part that can uncover how powerful you are or gives you excuses to remain stuck in the victim archetype. Are you ready to begin your journey of healing?

Today I was lucky. My teacher came because of a request. I know in my work of alternative medicine, because of my being an empath, I tend to take on other people’s pain. I am much better than I was in the past but I know my body still holds a lot of stuck energy in the form of pain.

As I lay on the table getting a massage this morning, I asked my guides to teach me how to not pull other’s pain into my body. I looked at how I took on my mother’s pain when I was a little girl, thinking it would help her and maybe make her see me more clearly. It didn’t help and now I have a lot of pain in my body. Our brain is such a good learner of repetition that it holds onto the pain loop. Looking back, my mother was one of my teachers about pain and how we think we can make a difference by being just like them. Well I am a good example of how we can’t fix someone else or make him or her love us more by emulating them.

I was talking this morning to my girlfriend Linda who is a very good channel, and she tells me that I need to start working with color energies, and not to run them through me but to run them outside of my energy field and into my patients. I had told her nothing about my request but my guides wanted me to know that they were listening. I was given my first lesson of the day from my guides.

Right now so many people are getting some really intense lessons about walking on this earth in a more fruitful, giving, and loving way. They are getting lessons on how to love themselves more, listening to that higher-self voice inside, and not taking someone else’s word as gospel if it doesn’t feel good. This also includes the way our government is run and the way we treat the earth. We may need many teachers to teach us to trust our inner guidance if we are not good listeners. We may get in a series of relationships that do not feel good. And until we learn our lesson of loving ourselves and listening to that voice inside, then we will continue in that loop of dysfunctional relationships. We always have a choice.

I watched the new movie, “EAT, PRAY, LOVE” and it was a profound novel about finding that place inside. She looks for teachers outside of herself, listens to them when she finds them, but when the time comes, she must feel what the truth is inside. Even the book and the movie is a grand teacher to mass audiences.

When you want an answer, first ask inside of your heart. Don’t look inside your mind if you want to heal the heart. Growth doesn’t always come easy. My son reminded me that he grew about a foot in his final year in high school and how painful it was. He always wanted to be tall, and he got his request but to grow there is always a stretching of our limits.

When you get an answer, don’t question by running the answer through your mind. Look through the heart. Then you know the answer from that deep core place inside yourself.

If someone tells you they can fix you, run for the hills. When people give you a guarantee, they are working though the ego and not through the infinite source energy deep inside that connects us to each other. A good guide does not give you the answers but teaches you how to find the answers deep inside our knowing.

So the next time you get a teacher that makes you angry or sad, don’t shoot the messenger. If you go inside and feel the pain, give them thanks for the lessons they show you. If you get a teacher that gives you feeling such an amazing feeling inside and you decide you want more, don’t be afraid of the feeling of joy and divine love. That truly is who you are. Remember, your teacher is always within your reach and sometimes we only have to reach inside ourselves.

On my journey I have been getting some very strong messages from my guidance, my higher self that I didn’t always want to hear. It meant letting go of comfort in old patterns of behavior.

I connected with an old friend from school about a month ago. He reached out to me and it was fun and exciting to have someone out of your past actually make first connection. We are not sure what the nudge was all about but karmically we have seen some very interesting patterns and lifetimes emerge.

Part of my decision to come to California on my mainland trip was to connect with him although I love the desert and I had wanted to return for the past year. So I felt our connection gave me that extra reason and permission.

I arrived almost 2 weeks ago and his car broke down, so he has been unable to drive the 2-3 hours to come and see me. At first I just felt that it was meant to be and on his day off the following week his car would be repaired. Well it wasn’t and although my spirit knew that all was in divine timing, the part of me that is human felt abandoned, frustrated, like he really didn’t want to see me, and all my human fears came out about not getting what I wanted.

I had gone through many scenarios with him in my mind and the truth was I have no idea why we were connected. Yesterday I was flinging old energies around about another piece of abandonment with another ‘friend?’ who had said we would get together before I left and wouldn’t return my phone call. I had been warned about him and yet I didn’t want to loose his friendship. I guess that was another one of my lessons. Listen to your intuition, it is an important guide.

I felt I had been put through the wringer and called another friend who had wanted to get together before I left and we went out to dinner. When one door closes another opens. During dinner a text came from my friend and he said he had gotten an alternative vehicle and he could come down Wednesday. Could I change my departure date?

Well... a few days ago I had gotten the message that I probably would be changing my return flight to Portland. That was about the time the energy got intense. But nothing happened so I just decided that nothing was going to happen. Never underestimate the energies of the universe that you have put into motion.

When I received the text my first reaction was to be skeptical. (you see how we create then question our creation) We weren’t able to talk right away because I was in the middle of dinner with my friends but I was leaving the next morning at 8am for the airport. Sooo, I texted him as soon as I was able that we needed to talk and the creative energy was rolling. When I asked my guidance whether I was to change my ticket, I got a strong yes.

Right now I have a cancelled ticket, no return date, I have to wait till Monday to get a cheaper ticket and I will check in with my guidance this morning to determine when I fly out, but I am still not getting a why.

I think we are not always to know. I do know that both of us needed to go through some deep thought about what we want out of life and how much we are willing to change ourselves to make that happen. When I asked, my guidance said that his car broke down because they were protecting me (from myself and my own patterns or was it protecting me from something within him?). I am not sure and yes to all of that.

Talk about pressure pushing things out of your being, I have felt that pressure squeezing me until I cried uncle. I asked for changes and almost didn’t make it. I wonder if I could hold up under torture. I think one of the biggest tortures we have is sometimes letting go of old patterns. We guard our treasures and even though they are uncomfortable in our pockets, we hold on to those hard-earned pieces of dysfunction. Remember the monkey who finds food in the bottom of the jar, and when he grabs it, he can’t get his hand out of the neck? He would rather starve then let it go.

I know this is growth and today I finally feel at peace. I woke up at 4:44am and felt a strength I have not felt for a long time. Like I have created something good, and there is a feeling of clarity around me that I have yearned for. My guide that came was Yeshua. He is standing beside me on this journey. He is my friend.

The day is bright, a hummingbird danced on the air in front of me. The air is cool on the desert. I love my life and am glad I was able to hang in there. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I am done making up stories. I thank my higher self for the guidance and the changes within me.

I know when I return to Hawaii in a couple of weeks that I will not be the same person who left on this grand adventure. I know I will look back on this summer in fondness and the memory that I was able to hang in there.

After I finished writing this blog, I opened an email from Tom Kenyon and the Hathors. I have included a link because it talks about jumping time lines and choosing the way we live. I think it is timely and a lot of what has been happening to me. Enjoy http://tomkenyon.com/jumping-time-lines